My Story

This is only a part of my story but a part that I want you to know, not because anyone has asked me for it and not because I am obligated to tell it, but because it is one of the places where God has done the most work in me and I would not want you to know me without knowing this. 

In August of 2019 I resigned from a ministry position at a church I loved and had attended for years. Over the course of about a year I had been dishonest in my reporting of how church funds were spent, to put it plainly, I took money that was not mine. I wish I could tell you it was a temporary lapse in judgment, but it was thought out and carried out over a long period of time and the amount was pretty substantial. Even writing this now, my flesh claws at my spirit to justify and explain, but I am going to let that sentence stand as it is.
I had sinned against a staff whose trust I took advantage of. I had sinned against elders who had stood to guard and protect His bride. I had sinned against a church family who gave out of their own hard work, believing their gifts would be stewarded well for the Kingdom.
I was asked to write a letter of resignation, and it was read aloud to the congregation on a Sunday morning. I submitted myself to whatever my church saw fit, without conditions, and I have followed the elders' direction for restitution. 

It was at the sixth hour that Jesus sat down at a well in Samaria and asked a woman for a drink, and in the middle of that conversation He named the things about her life she had not offered up. That passage bothered me for some time, because it looked to me like He was shaming her in front of that stranger's well.  That is until I understood that He named her sins so she could not spend the rest of her life wondering. She could not walk away thinking that if He had really known, He would not have offered her living water. He knew, and still He offered it anyway, and that is kind of the whole point of the conversation.

That is what the exposure of my own sin felt like. Not a sentence handed down, but being known all the way through and not turned away. I had spent so much time certain that if the people around me saw the whole thing, that would be the end of me, and when they finally saw it, it was not.

The church let me stay, and they walked with me, and in the years since they have even recommended me for ministry to other churches and encouraged people to call them about me. I am not naming them here, because this is my account and not theirs to be pulled into, but if you are weighing whether to work with me and you would like to talk to the leaders who handled it, I will give you their names and their numbers and step out of the room while you call. I would rather you ask than wonder.

 

I know this is a great deal to put in front of someone who came here looking for help with a mission trip. Thank you for staying with it, and if you would like to ask me about any of it directly, I would genuinely welcome that.